She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
