oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
