Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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