Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
