I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
