You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
