Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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