Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
