he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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