Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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