i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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