Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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