I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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