eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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