don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
