Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
