dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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