I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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