Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
