I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
