We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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