Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
