Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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