Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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