Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
