please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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