This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
