It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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