I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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