You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize