I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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