FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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