And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They took my balls.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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