What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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