Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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