pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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