I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
