Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
