Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us

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(440): View more from Ohio

the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat

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(712): View more from Iowa

That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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(720): View more from Colorado

So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.

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(512): View more from Texas

I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

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(949): View more from California

Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.

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(226): View more from Ontario

Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16

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