Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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