I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
