where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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