I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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