the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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