i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
