My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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