he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
