dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
