why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
