I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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