my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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