The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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