sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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