Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
