She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
