She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
