sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
