eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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