Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
