I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
