Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
