Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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