I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
