Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
