Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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