can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize