she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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