I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
