I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
