so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
