dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
