I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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