I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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