If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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