I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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