I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
