When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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