There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
