do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
