Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
