quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize