My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
