She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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