And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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