I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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