I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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