You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
