does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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