Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
