I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
