Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
