I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize