why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
