at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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