So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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