can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
